Expansion of the Hackfest Field

2005 will go down in the annals of Hackfest history by welcoming four new pathetic excuses for human beings into its loving fold. This was done by a decision of the Legends' Committee, in consultation with the Cray.

Let's take a quick look at the four inductees, in alphabetical order (which, coincidentally, happens to mirror the order in which these gentleman rank as total shitheads).

Steve Blake
Steve "The Load" Blake returns to the Hackfest with some very, very weighty baggage dragging behind his sorry ass. Mr. Blake is the only one in Hackfest history to blow off the 'Fest in favor of sleeping in. Truth be told, Steve supposedly had a gig the night before, which may have adversely impacted his thought processes in more ways than one. Nevertheless, Steve was banished from the grand tournament in 1998, theoretically never to return. However, begging and possible sexual favors swayed the minds of the Artistic Director and the rest of the Legends' Committee. I'm curious to see what the Cray thinks of it when it determines Chicago scores. Steve's may very well eclipse that of the Birdie King. Which it should.

Welcome, Load!!!

Chad Johnson
I've never met Chad, and frankly, have no desire to. His induction to the Hackfest caused an acquaintance of Messieurs Mullen-Schultz and Hove, one James Kenealy, to be passed over. Let's just hope that Chad wants to quit after one year.

Welcome, Chad!!!

David Read David seems to be a really nice guy. He has, for reasons yet unknown, accompanied the crew on several winter golfing trips. Based on his game, which is in many hideous ways very similar to Gary's, one wonders why he would spend his hard-earned cash on something he so mightily struggles with. Oh well - intelligence has never been a prerequisite for participating in the Hackfest.

Welcome, Dave!!!

Trent Shipley Trent was kind enough to fill in for Jeff Carter when the latter had to miss the Hackfest in order to suck up to his new bosses at McCormick. This pathetic act of sycophancy cost Mr. Carter his seat on the Legends' Committee, never to be regained. The Artistic Director was kind enough to hold Jeff's spot open, acknowledging Mr. Carter's insatiable need to kiss ass. Trent played poorly, in fact slinging clubs into trees at one point in the match. However, his willingness to help earned him one of the openings.

Welcome, Trent!!!