Hackfest 2026
The 2026 Hackfest features 2025 Birdie King, Phil Jirsa, a.k.a. Rhino, a.k.a., Someone Who Golfs, a.k.a. the Not-So-Big Easy, a.k.a. the Even Smaller Smallrus, a.k.a. FIGJAM, a.k.a. O.B. Wan Kenobe, a.k.a. Duff Mulligan, a.k.a Footwedge Frank, a.k.a. Splash Waterman, a.k.a. Mr. Three Wiggle, a.k.a. the Hozel Rocket, a.k.a. Chicken Stick, a.k.a. Hand Wedge, a.k.a. the Big Yipper, a.k.a. Three Putt Bogey, a.k.a Putterly Ridiculous, a.k.a Friend of the Mulligan, and the 150 or so other names we know and love him by defending his title in the beautiful Quad Cities. It will take place from September 10-13.
Results
Eric "E the V" Petersen is your new Birdie King! Congrats, E, and Hail!
In addition, Team F*ck Those Guys crushed Mr. T and the A Team for another year of domination.
This beautiful reminder is found in the living room of a certain member of the championship team, TFTG.
Here are the individual results of the 2026 Hackfest.
E and our esteemed Artistic Director ended up in a tie for first place, as did the AD with Duker in 2025. As stipulated by the rules, a round of rock-paper-scissors ensued, best two of three. The match unfolded as follows:
- E: rock; Brett: paper. E 0, Brett 1.
- E: rock; Brett: scissors. E 1, Brett 1.
- E: scissors; Brett: paper. E 2, Brett 1.
Here are the team results of the 2026 Hackfest.
Helpful Links
Here is a handy link with the addresses of the golf courses and places we'll be staying.
Rules
Here are the *NEW* rules for the 2026 Hackfest.For historical purposes, here are the original rules for the 2026 Hackfest.
Participants
- Phil "Rhino" Jirsa (2025 Birdie King);
- Mike Allerding;
- Jeff "Sloth" Carter;
- Brian Dukart;
- Travis Fleming;
- Tim Hidani;
- Brett Johnson;
- John "Three Timer" Kast;
- Jim "Special K" Kenealy;
- Gary "Picasso" Mullen-Schultz;
- Eric "E the V" Petersen;
- David Read;
- Tom Sandberg
Only golfing in the team event:
- Duane Anderson;
- David Long
Not golfing this year but still attending the festivities:
- James "Panther" Hove;
- Chaz Larson;
- Roger Mahre
Lodging
Lodging was at two locales. They're about 5 minutes apart by car.
Thanks to David Read for finding and reserving!
Golf Venue
All rounds this year took place in the Quad Cities area (Moline, and Rock Island Illinois, and Bettendorf and Davenport Iowa).
Thursday's practice round started at 1:10PM, and took place at TPC Deere Run, home of the John Deere Classic.
Friday's first teeoff was at noon sharp, at Byron Hills Golf Course. The Champion's Dinner followed. Our esteemed Birdie King chose Sippis American Grill and Craft Beer as the venue. Directions from Byron Hills to Sippis are here.
Saturday's golf began at noon sharp, at Emeis Golf Course.
Sunday's deciding round commenced at 8:50AM, at Palmer Hills Golf Course.
Nearby Restaurants
- Sippis American Grill and Craft Beer
- Mac's Tavern
- Boozie's Bar and Grill
- Miss Phay Cafe
- Stompbox Brewing
Pre-Fest Note from the Artistic Director
Dear Festers,
All Praise to our 2025 Birdie King, Phil Jirsa, a.k.a. Rhino, a.k.a., Someone Who Golfs, a.k.a. the Not-So-Big Easy, a.k.a. the Even Smaller Smallrus, a.k.a. FIGJAM, a.k.a. O.B. Wan Kenobe, a.k.a. Duff Mulligan, a.k.a Footwedge Frank, a.k.a. Splash Waterman, a.k.a. Mr. Three Wiggle, a.k.a. the Hozel Rocket, a.k.a. Chicken Stick, a.k.a. Hand Wedge, a.k.a. the Big Yipper, a.k.a. Three Putt Bogey, a.k.a Putterly Ridiculous, a.k.a Friend of the Mulligan, and the 150 or so other names we know and love him by.
Nearly equal praise to Team FTG, the consensus best team in the entire Hackfest, to the exclusion of all others, probably forever.
For the 2026 Hackfest, to be held at the usual time, Thursday, September 10 through Sunday September 13th, I've invited seventeen of you, on the assumption that medical maladies will result in at least one foursome of golfers who will actually be able to play. As usual, Thursday is a recreational round, Friday through Sunday is the Fest. There will be a $30 entry fee and prizes (just like the last few years). Team Competition Fri/Sat, Birdie King title Sat/Sun.
The event is likely to be held in the halfway zone again (somewhere between the pastoral spendor of Michigan, and the bleak, riot-ravaged decay of Minnesota). David Read is working on housing.
If you can't/don't want to attend, let me know. If you prefer to attend but not to play golf, or prefer only to play limited golf let me know (working on the idea of 12, semi-able-bodied golfers across the three days of the Fest--more or less can be accommodated).
More information, rules, location, housing costs will be provided when known.
This is the 40th year of the Fest. Now that I have missed one for the first-time ever (meaning no one has played in all of them--although I think Tim has been to all of them) I'm not sure that attending is such a big deal. I think I'll be there this year, unless perhaps darts is on TV that weekend. If I am, I will see you there!
Your down but not out, twice and future Birdie King and Hackfest Artistic Director,
Brett
Post-Fest Note from the Artistic Director
All Hail Eric Petersen our 2026 Birdie King!
And to a lesser or greater extent the dominance of Team FTG, well on their way to 11 straight victories. Great photo of the Birdie King and Phil at Hackfest.org. Speaking of which, please send any and all Fest photos to Gary for use on the website.
Many thanks to all who put up with the golfing foolishness, the unique housing, and the general body incompetence, incontinence, and manifesting imbecility of the gathered throng. Special shout out to James Hove and his kidney stone for battling his way down to see us. Yeoman's service awards to Gary (website still going strong), David Read (providing you with somewhere to sleep), Tom (loose end mender), Phil (bloody-eyed defense and beer can drive), Chuck and Roger (for making the trip sans golf while having to listen to idiots prattling on about golf), Dave Long (in for the full-boat next year, I'm hoping), John, Duke, Tom, and Special K. (the ones everyone wants to golf with), Duane (the long-distance traveller), Eric (for earning the Birdie King title, a new three-timer), the LIV golf tour (for burritos) and Jeff, Mike, Travis, and Tim (who . . . attended).
I will try and fail to do better next year. If you can think of ways to improve the event. . . tell the Pope, I don't want to hear them. If you are making winter golf plans, feel free to share them only with the two people from among the Festers you like, and/or anyone else you think might attend.
Thanks for coming, it was great to see everyone!!!!
Yours in humble and never-ending greatness,
Brett Johnson
Hackfest Artistic Director 2027