Hackfest 2019: TBD

James "(The) Panther" Hove was not given the opportunity to defend his title in the great state of Wisconsin. He would have lost anyways.

2018 Birdie King Tees Off

Results

Team "F*** Those Guys" emerged victorious! Hail Team "F*** Those Guys"!

Participants

Team "F*** Those Guys", in alphabetical order: Jeff Carter; Brian Dukart; Travis Fleming; James Hove; Brett Johnson; Chaz Larson; Gary Mullen-Schultz; David Read.

Team "Mr. T and the A Team", in alphabetical order: Mike Allerding; Tim Hidani; John Kast; Jim "Special K" Kenealy; Roger Mahre; Eric Petersen; Tom Sandberg; Trent Shipley.

Lodging

David Read once again graciously fronted the cash for lodging at the Heritage House in Fontana-on-Geneva, WI.

Thanks again for getting lodging, David.

The Heritage House is located here, The address is 154 W. Main St, Fontana, Wisconsin 53125.

Some nearby restaurants here.

Golf Venues

There was no "official" Thursday golf this year.

All golf this year took place at Geneva National Golf Club, 1221 Geneva National Avenue South, Lake Geneva, WI 53147.

Friday's pre-Fest match teed off at 1:48PM. We played the Trevino Course. Directions to the rental home here.

For Saturday, we played the Palmer Course. The first group teed off at 10:12AM, sending the universe, once again, into a dark period of Sede Vacante. Directions from the rental home here.

Sunday's deciding round teed off at 8:33AM from the Player Course. Directions from Geneva National to the Milwaukee airport here.

Directions from Geneva to O'Hare are here.

Official Invitation from the Artistic Director

All Hail [the] Panther!

There are clear indications that Eldridge, the Tiger, Woods gave credit to Mr. Hove for providing the inspiration to dust the cobwebs off his game, ignore injury, family, and whores and win another major ("Just like the Panther in 2018" he remarked while getting liquored up with a bartender at one of his restaurants).

Now that we have put last year's post-Fest witchhunt behind us, preparations for your annual shot at greatness, i.e., being more like [the] Panther, may commence.

We will be playing at Geneva National Golf Club, 1221 Geneva National Avenue South, Lake Geneva, WI 53147. Only three days of golf this time, beginning Friday, September 6 at 1:48 p.m. (room for 12 let me know if you want to play; with Hackfest rounds Saturday (beginning at 10:32) and Sunday (beginning at 8:33). Closest airport would be Milwaukee (about 50 minutes), Then Ohare (80 minutes?).

Lodging is at: Fontana-on-Geneva Lake, 154 West Main Street, Fontana-on-Geneva Lake, WI 53125.

Rules and other miscellany to be available at a later date. Dare to be great, . . . again!

Your favorite Hackfest Artistic Director,
Brett

Follow-Up Email from the Artistic Director

All Hail Panther, his good looks, charm, intelligence, and proven golf superiority over you,

As you all now know, this year we are involved in a team game, a team struggle, if you will, of titanic importance.

I feel that my team is running a bit behind. We have had a mere 11 group practices to date, none were for more than three days, and only two were in Europe (Jeff could only get us on the corporate jet so often). We have mastered our choreographed routine for the opening ceremony, however. A 27-minute interpretive dance piece not soon to be forgotten.

What we lack in organized practice we make up for in team name. There were many potential choices, but only one truly inspired by the reverence in which we hold our esteemed opponents. You have to wait for the Champions dinner to find out.

The cray is piecing together the last of this year's rules (although we lost part of the mainframe to scavengers looking for metal to build a wall) which will favor the relaxed, non-sharting, ball abuser who does not read good.

Finally, there are 13 of you intrepid souls planning to golf on Good Fest Friday (September 6th). I have 4 tee times booked beginning at 1:48 for three threesomes and a foursome.

I leave you with some helpful words of advice from Mrs. Panther: "Bigamy is having one husband too many; monogamy is the same"

I am humbly yours, the greatest AD on earth
Brett

Follow-Up Follow-Up Email from the Artistic Director

We bow down before the delicious manburger that is James Panther Hove, our Birdie King,

Negotiations with Panther's advance team have ended. The Champions Dinner will be held at the "Turf. kitchen + tap." Not making the spelling of that place up; clearly some overpaid, underworked millennial did that while berating his barista/novelist at Starbucks over a matter of foam consistency. The restaurant is supposedly adjacent to the pro shop, on the lower level of the main complex at the golf course. I have a reservation under my name at 6:30. If any non-golfers are looking to ridicule others, the others will be coming off hole 18 on the Trevino course between 6 and 6:20 or so on Friday.

I have attached a copy of the rules (working with Tim to tweak them still). Since everyone has their own unique handicap for the singles matches, they may seem a bit daunting. They are daunting if you are a dullard, a layabout, a malcontent, or a lollygagger. If you are not one of those things, just focus on the rules that apply to you and swing the clubs. Gary's granddaughters have kindly volunteered to help the problem readers on Tim's team (I assume that is everyone but Tim) read the rules. They will try to talk slow and use small words but ask that you not show up to your help session drunk . . . again.

We rock the golfing world again in five days, see you then.

Champion's Dinner

The Friday evening Champion's Dinner was held at "Turf. kitchen + tap."

Birdie King

Hail, hail, hail [the] Panther!

Big Hackfest Announcement. There will be no Birdie King crowned in 2019. You are reading it right, when Panther tees off on Saturday we will be without a Birdie King for the first time since 1985. I am limited in what I can disclose (threatened with . . . . well, it rhymes with "fenny melonies") so you will have to trust me when I say: despite the rumors, it might not be Panther's fault entirely. Apparently when you mix the Hackfest, Russians, controversy, and certain political figures, attention is drawn. Items are noted, and bells that are rung can't be unrung. To save Panther, the event, the Cray's underground bunker and some of you (I was ready to sacrifice a number of you, but was handed a package deal) I had to agree to certain conditions. One of those conditions was NO BIRDIE KING UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.

Your world is rocked, I understand. Toward what end will you now play, upon whom will your honor be bestowed. The simple mysterious answer is Hackfesters, God, and Country of course. In the near future you will be contacted by one of the Perfect Legends who will outline your path back to greatness. Rules will eventually follow.

Put on your big-girl underwear, it is time to Make the Hackfest Great Again (even though severely limited by a 233-page plea agreement)!

The most humble AD ever,
Brett Johnson

Rules

Here are the rules for the 2019 Hackfest.