Hackfest 2018: Bad Times at the El Royale

Jim "Special K" Kenealy attempted to defend his throne in his home state of Wisconsin. He came in last place.

Birdie King

James "Panther" Hove is your 2018 Birdie King! Congrats, Jim!

2018 Hackfest: Controversy

The following is an email from our Artistic Director, sent at 9:25AM Eastern on September 13, 2018:

James B. Hove III IS the Birdie King and therefore deserving of adoration. All Hail Jim.

On the advice of counsel, I refer you to the "Controversy" section of the Hackfest.org web pages: That is my final word on this year's Fest. I will no longer be talking to the press.

I am the greatest Hackfest Artistic Director Ever. My crowds were bigger than they seemed. All those women are lying. There are good people on both sides. I know all the big words. I hire only the best people. Except those I fire, they are the worst. I am a genius. Up is down.

Read the Hackfest.org pages, all is well.

Brett

Results

Here are the results from the 2018 Hackfest.

Rules

Here are the rules for the 2018 Hackfest.

Participants

This year's participants, in alphabetical order (with Birdie King first, of course): James "Birdie King" Kenealy; Jeff Carter; Brian Dukart; Travis Fleming; Tim Hidani; James Hove; Brett Johnson; John Kast; Chaz Larson; Roger Mahre; Gary Mullen-Schultz; Eric Petersen; David Read; Tom Sandberg; Trent Shipley.

Post-Fest Note from the Artistic Director

All Hail [The] Panther, the new Birdie King!

His wife predicted (demanded) victory and he triumphed (meekly acquiesced to her request)! He overcame a flat tire, a first-tee rush, slow play, black balls, and the entire state of Wisconsin, and deserves your respect (for a year anyway).

Special thanks to Tim (paying for his portion of the digs and bringing his own), my scramble partner John (who I heard is a three-time Hackfest champion, who kept smiling), to Roger (who made me question the effort of the rest of you), to David (for arranging the digs and bringing Travis), to Travis (for putting up with grumpy old men), to Chuck (like Tom, but with a sparkly personality, for music and trivia), to Lois Jean and Betty June (babies who waited days to be born so their grandpa Gary could play in the entire Hackfest), to Tom (no, scratch that), and to everyone else except Jeff (who just plain does not appear to want to help me) for making the annual effort.

I had a great time, but know there were a few things people found irritating:

• The courses were expensive, albeit, nice. I will try to do better.
• The accommodations were not expensive. I will try to do better.
• The rules kept changing. I will try to do better.
• We had two flat tires. I will try to do better.
• We basically ate at the same restaurant every day. I will try to do better.
• The one-armed man hit better shots than many of you and took all your poker money. I will try to do better.
• You didn't win, Panther did. I cannot do better.

As always, I feel lucky to see and be seen. Please don't forget to send any Hackfest photos to Gary for the web page, and congratulate him on his brand new twin granddaughters who already have mad Hackfest respect.

Be well,
Brett Johnson
Artistic Director, Hackfest 2018
Bad Day at The El Royale

Official Invitation from the Artistic Director

All Hail James Kenealy your reigning Birdie King!

Greetings and Salutations you puppets of Kenealy. With one victory our Birdie King has become a golden-winged unicorn of golf soaring over rainbows of unchecked championshipness and raining sunshine and cheese curds on all who see him. If you are yearning to be your own sky creature gliding free above the grindstone-turning oppressed, you have another opportunity. Hackfest 2018 falls on September 8 and 9 this year, and the location has been chosen with a nod toward your current dreamiest of champions. The web address below will show you our abode which is located in the Wisconsin Dells area. About 3 hours and 17 minutes southeast of the Minneapolis Airport (1 hour 31 minutes north of Madison; 2 hours 18 minutes northwest of Milwaukee). From Minneapolis, 94 to Tomah, then head east.

https://www.homeaway.com/vacation-rental/p406299vb

Again, $100 per person and you have shelter for Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights or any subset thereof. Mr. Read is fronting the housing action so please funnel him $100 at your earliest convenience.

I'm looking at the following nearby golf courses: Northern Bay, Trappers Turn, and Wild Rock. There is a supposed "must play" course called Sandy Valley nearby with green fees close to $200. I will not be playing there, but I bring it up in case some of you want to play it on Thursday or Friday.

I am willing to organize 4 days of golf (Thursday and/or Friday in addition to the Saturday and Sunday Fest Rounds) for those who want in, or feel free to do your own thing on Thursday and Friday. We have four people playing on Thursday and Friday right now. Please let me know at your earliest convenience what days you would like to play. I anticipate the first round on Thursday will start in the early afternoon, say, 12:30 or 1:00. Also, once you know, please let me know your approximate arrival time to the accommodations

Finally, please let me know as soon as possible if you are not going to make it.

The siren song of September calls . . .

Yours in Kenealy envy,

Your favorite Hackfest Artistic Director,
Brett

Lodging

David Read once again graciously fronted the cash for lodging at Friendship, WI.

Yes, WI. Wisconsin. Hell.

More information about the digs can be found here. Thanks for your work in getting these spectacular digs, David.

Lodging is located here, The address is 2491 18th Ave., Friendship, WI. 53934.

Some nearby restaurants here.

Golf Venues

Thursday's pre-Fest rumble took place at Trappers Turn Golf Club, 2955 Wisconsin Dells Parkway, Wisconsin Dells, Wisconsin 53965. First tee time was at 1:06PM. Directions to the rental home here.

Friday's pre-Fest match took place at The Golf Course at Northern Bay, 1844 20th Avenue, Arkdale, WI 54613. First tee time was at 12:36PM. Directions from the rental home here.

Saturday's rounds took place at Lake Arrowhead, The Pines, 1195 Apache Lane Nekoosa, WI 54457. The first group teed off at 1:16PM, sending the universe, once again, into a dark period of Sede Vacante. Directions from the rental home here.

Trappers Turn Golf Club, the site of Thursday's pre-Fest play, had the honor of hosting the final round of the 2018 Hackfest. The first group teed off at 8:27AM sharp. Directions from our abode here. Directions from Trappers to the Minneapolis airport here.

Champion's Dinner

Friday's Champion's Dinner was held at the Island View Pub and Grill which was Friday's golf course, The Golf Course at Northern Bay. About 15 minutes north of where we stayed.