Hackfest 2010: I, Am Iron-Poor Man, Too

Tim Hidani, as expected, took last place and ceded the title of Birdie King to James Bernard Hove.

Birdie King

James Bernard Hove.

Participants

This year's participants, in alphabetical order: Mike Allerding; Jeff Carter; Brian Dukart; Tim Hidani; James Hove; Brett Johnson; John Kast; James Kenealy; Chaz Larson; Roger Mahre; Gary Mullen-Schultz; Eric Petersen; David Read; Mike Sauer; Tom Sandberg; Trent Shipley;

Results

Here are the results from the 2010 Hackfest.

Rules

Here are the rules used in the 2010 Hackfest.

Golf Venues

Saturday's rounds took place at St. Croix National. The Birdie King lost his cherry at 9:20AM, sharp. Directions from the Kast residence: here.

Sunday's golf took place at White Eagle Golf Club. First tee time was at 9:06AM. Directions from the Kast residence: here.

Photos

Click here for photos of the 2010 campaign.

Post-Fest Note from the Artistic Director

All Hail James Bernard Hove III, the 2010 Birdie King!

Injuries (Roger's heart attack, Brett's back, Tim and John's knees), a date change, and just-plain oldness (everyone except David, Trent, Allerding, Duke, and Kenealy) threatened the quality of the 2010 Hackfest. The actual event was arguably one of the best ever.

JBIII proved to be a deserving Champion. Although Trent may have thoughts of blaming his teammates in his last day foursome (Tim, Chuck, Brett) for a horrible showing in the Thinking Man's Scramble, it is worth noting that JBIII was the only contestant this year who bettered his Chicago score. Well played, JBIII, well played. Good luck to Trent and the also-rans next year.

Gary has the results, pictures and more on the website. If you have pictures to share with the group, please do so.

As usual, many thanks are due. To the Kasts, fine, fine, hosting: limitless food and beverage, lots to do and see, comfortable sleeping, and fireworks.

Special thanks to McKenzie for the DVDs depicting Hackfesters past. The supporting cast of wives, girlfriends, children, and ghosts of Birdie King's past (Blake) are due acknowledgment and thanks for their Saturday appearance. Tim, thanks for the plush palace. Tom, thanks for Louie. Mike S., thanks for booking the courses. Jeff, David, and Mike A. thanks for the travel. Erik and Tim, thanks for dinner. John Jackson, thanks for being John Jackson, still. I don't like the rest of you enough to give thanks, even if you deserve it.

The 2011 Hackfest will be the 25th (yawn). If, at age 50, I can summon the energy to invite you, it will be held on the traditional first weekend after Labor Day date, September 10th.

Apologies for the boredom inspired by the communication, I think of the excitement level it inspires as inversely proportional to the event it represents.

Be healthy, stand tall, don't take crap from your kids, and smoke 'em if you got 'em.

I am, resignedly yours,

Brett R. Johnson
Artistic Director
Hackfest 2010

Betting Odds

Lodging

RVs will be available at the Kast estate for lodging for select individuals; see Tim and John for details. There is lots of room for tents and other such sleeping arrangements.

A large, boisterous shindig will take place at the Kasts' after Saturday's round. Spouses and significant others are welcome; information on foodstuffs to bring will be provided closer to the event. Although the public reason for the party is that several of us are turning 50 (I'm still 48, by the way), the true impetus is to celebrate the fact that we are fortunate to enjoy Roger's presence for at least one more year.

JK's address:
10815 140th St N
Hugo, MN 55038-9439

Official Invitation from the Artistic Director

All hail Tim Hidani, the reign-shortened Birdie King!

My elevator at work (the flat screen in the elevator is the only place I receive news of the world) tells me that 150 years ago men, on average, lived to be 39. Currently, it's 75. I'm beginning to think 150 years ago was better. I hurt when I jump, run, stretch, lift more than 10 pounds, or sleep. Seriously, if I lay down for more than six hours or so, I get up feeling like I got hit by a bus. Also, my doctor has stopped caring about my testicles, but focuses a disturbing amount of attention on my ass. Brett Michaels-like, I fear our warranties have expired just when we can expect to spend many of our few remaining years in the shop. I'm still pretty though, and a better golfer than most of you, two facts that come as close as anything to a reason to attempt another Hackfest. Those of you that are still alive on August 14th and 15th are invited to join me.

Roger. Heart Attack. Lame attempt at avoiding the blessed event. No strokes for you. And, enjoy the heat. Tell you what though, anyone else having a "massive coronary event" between now and Hackfest weekend is eligible to have a stroke deducted from his score. Get a tattoo using the word "Hackfest" or my name and I'll deduct two. Adopt twins and name them "Hack" and "Fest" and I'll deduct three.

John Kast is hosting at the Kast ranch (he'll have to step up his game if he wants to match the mighty Duke's effort last year). Big doings Saturday afternoon/evening after golf. Girlfriends, bookies, kids, dogs, supportive relatives, groupies, posses, and assorted hangers-on invited to attend. And spouses. Some sort of party to celebrate the ever-approaching collective doom of those of you at or nearing 50. I think it is all an excuse to start, or collect on, some sort of dead pool.

John Kast and I will spend the pre-Fest Friday attempting to make Eric and the Birdie King buy us dinner via a golfing wager. You could certainly play Friday too, and/or join us for the Champion's dinner Friday night. Tim picks the restaurant. Details closer to the event, but undoubtedly it will be taking place east of the Twin Towns, relatively close to the Kast ranch.

So, c'mon, all the cool kids are doing it, join me in your own personal garden of freshly cut tears. Go to the web site, read the rules and show up for the Hackfest. Courses not-yet determined, but out by John's. No need to contact me unless you have finally cracked wise and are determined not to show up.

50 years, my, my, my, doesn't it go by in a blink (yeah, but the next 25 will be painful, colonoscopy-laden, and tortuously slow).

Keepin' it real for all the soul sisters out there, I am, unexplainably yours,

Brett Johnson
Artistic Director
Hackfest 2010

Official Date Change Notice from the Artistic Director

All Hail Tim Hidani the Birdie King!

Thank you for responding so quickly. The Hackfest will be held on August 14th and 15th at the John Kast home (out of towners fly/drive in to Minneapolis). Gary has already adjusted the doomsday clock on the website. John says there will be an all-inclusive party with all spouses, family, friends, etc. invited, probably Saturday pm (apparently some of you are turning 50 this year).

I hope to get the rules and invitation out by mid-May.

Brett R. Johnson
Artistic Director
Hackfest 2010